Monthly Archives: August 2010

Raisin, O Raisin, wherefore art thou?

I have to hide the raisin bread.

My mother is here for a visit, and she and the twins are having a wonderful time so far.  Mom has several times pointed out to me, ways in which one or the other of the girls takes after me when I was a small child.

It’s too humiliating for me, though, for her to find out one more way in which they take after me.

That’s why I’m hiding our loaf of raisin bread deep in the recesses of our fridge.

You see, one of my mom’s pet peeves, when I was small, was how I would excavate a loaf of raisin bread and pick out all the raisins and eat them.  Then, when she would reach for a slice of “raisin” bread, what she got – was just “bread”, the raisins having long since departed this earth by way of my gullet!

And yep, you guessed it – my twins likewise render a lovely slice of raisin bread into something more resembling a slice of swiss cheese, but with larger holes.

And I’m embarrassed.  And I wonder: is this a result of genetics, or just karma?  Is there such a thing as Raisin Bread Karma?

(and yes, Mom, I know you’re going to read this eventually :)   but somehow it’s less embarrassing for me if you’re not in front of me when you’re rolling with laughter at karmic justice being served.)

The bangers beneath us

Thought I’d update all and sundry on what’s developed with the people below us.

When we came back from our three-week trip to Japan, we knew it would be tough for the people who live downstairs to re-adjust to the pitter-patter of little feet.

But we had no idea just how hard it would be!

Coming back from Japan, the twins’ day and night were switched around 180 degrees.  It took a few days before we could get them back on a proper sleep schedule.

In the meantime, though, the girls would wake after only a half night’s sleep at 3am.  We tried keeping them quiet and getting them back to sleep, which was made much more difficult by the downstairs neighbors slamming their doors in fury and screaming profanities at us.

(Of course it didn’t help to tell them that if they wouldn’t crash their doors so that the entire building shook from it, waking the girls from their early afternoon nap WAY too early, causing them to sleep too early, then the girls might have a shot at sleeping properly!)

So we decided to take the girls out in the car and drive around to get them calmed down enough to sleep.

No sooner had we set foot outside our door than the neighbors screamed more abuse at us and said they’d already called the police and they were on their way.

So, no car trip.  Instead we waited for the police to show up.

And waited.

And waited.

By that time the neighbors had long since went back to bed, when I called the police and asked what was taking them so long?

They said that no noise complaint had been called in.

So we proceeded to take the girls out in the car until they were tired again.

We thought that would be an end to it.

Imagine my shock, then, when a social worker from DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) showed up at my door a few days later to conduct a surprise inspection of my home and family!!

Turned out the woman downstairs hadn’t called the police, but she did call in a false report to DYFS!!

DYFS said it was an ‘anonymous’ call, but the woman downstairs had actually bragged about it to some of the other neighbors who told me.

The woman claimed our apartment was a sty, grafitti on the walls, the bathroom never cleaned since we moved in almost a year ago and that she witnessed my husband manhandling one of our twins!!

The social worker could see that our apartment was fine, the bathroom quite clean and sparkly and no signs of grafitti on the walls.  Our kids were clean, well-behaved, happy children, and when the neighbor who had been bragged to, came forward to phone her that it had been a false report, the case worker decided to close the case.

Hoorah!!

Now we’re thinking of whether or not to sue the pants off the people downstairs.  Or maybe get a restraining order.

The other neighbors in our section of the complex where we live were livid when they heard what the downstairs people had done.  They made it quite clear that that kind of criminal behavior was unacceptable.  (It could be their kids next if they crossed the people downstairs!)

Since then the people downstairs have taken great pains to behave in a civilized fashion around us (especially if other neighbors are watching), and suddenly, the noise from the twins is just fine and at an acceptable level.  (same level it’s been all along!)

Supposedly they’re going to move to a different apartment further away in the complex when one becomes available, but we’re not holding our breaths.  We’re sure praying for it, though! 

Things that irritate me on kiddie tv

We don’t let our kids watch commercial tv.  We do, however, let them watch carefully selected dvds and videos.

Spongebob Squarepants (who my twins refer to as “Mister Meancheese”) is persona non grata in our home.

Dora the Explorer, with her grotesquely huge eyeballs and videogame-like approach to solving her dilemmas is also unwelcome.

Diego though, is quite welcome.  As are the Wonderpets, the Backyardigans, Blue’s Clues and Zoboomafoo, as well as a number of others.

But even among those welcomed into our living room, there are things that just steam my bucket of crabs, if you get my drift:

Have you ever noticed that while Diego is imploring his pre-K audience for help in rescuing some hapless beastie, said beastie is dangling precariously over the open and slavering jaws of death while Diego takes his own sweet time, carefully correcting the volume and pronunciation of whatever the kids have to shout at him to get him to move his animated little butt and save the critter?

And where are Diego’s parents?  We see infrequent glimpses of them from time to time, but nowhere are they to be found when Diego is about to get his head ripped off by an anaconda or somesuch!  They let this little boy (he’s what? 7 years old?) snowboard, rappel up and down mountainsides, brave puma attacks and other similar instances of reckless child endangerment and neglect.  And they must pay pretty good for child labor in the jungle, because Diego is tricked out with the latest in techie rescue gear!

Moving on…

The Wonderpets is next to draw my maternal ire.  Where the H.E. Double Matchsticks are the endangered animals’ parents!? Why is it they only show up AFTER their “precious” babies are rescued by a sentimental turtle, an avaricious glory-seeking duckling and a well-intentioned guinea pig.  Sure, they thank the Wonderpets sincerely and often dole out a snack to accompany the ubiquitous celery chunks the ‘Pets chow down on, but apparently in Wonderpets land, parents have better things to do than to keep their offspring out of mortal danger!

Doesn’t this have a flavor reminicient of Disneyesque matricide?

In Disney movies, the parents are either absent altogether, with no explanation provided, or the mother has died (or is viciously murdered on- or off-screen) and the father is usually either a tyrant, a crackpot or decrepitly old.  Or just asleep.  For the duration.  Or neurotic as all get-out.

Gee, for a “family-friendly” company, they’re not doing too well on P.R.ing for parents!

And there’s loads more I could unload about, but perhaps that’s enough for today.

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Monthly Archives: August 2010

Raisin, O Raisin, wherefore art thou?

I have to hide the raisin bread.

My mother is here for a visit, and she and the twins are having a wonderful time so far.  Mom has several times pointed out to me, ways in which one or the other of the girls takes after me when I was a small child.

It’s too humiliating for me, though, for her to find out one more way in which they take after me.

That’s why I’m hiding our loaf of raisin bread deep in the recesses of our fridge.

You see, one of my mom’s pet peeves, when I was small, was how I would excavate a loaf of raisin bread and pick out all the raisins and eat them.  Then, when she would reach for a slice of “raisin” bread, what she got – was just “bread”, the raisins having long since departed this earth by way of my gullet!

And yep, you guessed it – my twins likewise render a lovely slice of raisin bread into something more resembling a slice of swiss cheese, but with larger holes.

And I’m embarrassed.  And I wonder: is this a result of genetics, or just karma?  Is there such a thing as Raisin Bread Karma?

(and yes, Mom, I know you’re going to read this eventually :)   but somehow it’s less embarrassing for me if you’re not in front of me when you’re rolling with laughter at karmic justice being served.)

The bangers beneath us

Thought I’d update all and sundry on what’s developed with the people below us.

When we came back from our three-week trip to Japan, we knew it would be tough for the people who live downstairs to re-adjust to the pitter-patter of little feet.

But we had no idea just how hard it would be!

Coming back from Japan, the twins’ day and night were switched around 180 degrees.  It took a few days before we could get them back on a proper sleep schedule.

In the meantime, though, the girls would wake after only a half night’s sleep at 3am.  We tried keeping them quiet and getting them back to sleep, which was made much more difficult by the downstairs neighbors slamming their doors in fury and screaming profanities at us.

(Of course it didn’t help to tell them that if they wouldn’t crash their doors so that the entire building shook from it, waking the girls from their early afternoon nap WAY too early, causing them to sleep too early, then the girls might have a shot at sleeping properly!)

So we decided to take the girls out in the car and drive around to get them calmed down enough to sleep.

No sooner had we set foot outside our door than the neighbors screamed more abuse at us and said they’d already called the police and they were on their way.

So, no car trip.  Instead we waited for the police to show up.

And waited.

And waited.

By that time the neighbors had long since went back to bed, when I called the police and asked what was taking them so long?

They said that no noise complaint had been called in.

So we proceeded to take the girls out in the car until they were tired again.

We thought that would be an end to it.

Imagine my shock, then, when a social worker from DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) showed up at my door a few days later to conduct a surprise inspection of my home and family!!

Turned out the woman downstairs hadn’t called the police, but she did call in a false report to DYFS!!

DYFS said it was an ‘anonymous’ call, but the woman downstairs had actually bragged about it to some of the other neighbors who told me.

The woman claimed our apartment was a sty, grafitti on the walls, the bathroom never cleaned since we moved in almost a year ago and that she witnessed my husband manhandling one of our twins!!

The social worker could see that our apartment was fine, the bathroom quite clean and sparkly and no signs of grafitti on the walls.  Our kids were clean, well-behaved, happy children, and when the neighbor who had been bragged to, came forward to phone her that it had been a false report, the case worker decided to close the case.

Hoorah!!

Now we’re thinking of whether or not to sue the pants off the people downstairs.  Or maybe get a restraining order.

The other neighbors in our section of the complex where we live were livid when they heard what the downstairs people had done.  They made it quite clear that that kind of criminal behavior was unacceptable.  (It could be their kids next if they crossed the people downstairs!)

Since then the people downstairs have taken great pains to behave in a civilized fashion around us (especially if other neighbors are watching), and suddenly, the noise from the twins is just fine and at an acceptable level.  (same level it’s been all along!)

Supposedly they’re going to move to a different apartment further away in the complex when one becomes available, but we’re not holding our breaths.  We’re sure praying for it, though! 

Things that irritate me on kiddie tv

We don’t let our kids watch commercial tv.  We do, however, let them watch carefully selected dvds and videos.

Spongebob Squarepants (who my twins refer to as “Mister Meancheese”) is persona non grata in our home.

Dora the Explorer, with her grotesquely huge eyeballs and videogame-like approach to solving her dilemmas is also unwelcome.

Diego though, is quite welcome.  As are the Wonderpets, the Backyardigans, Blue’s Clues and Zoboomafoo, as well as a number of others.

But even among those welcomed into our living room, there are things that just steam my bucket of crabs, if you get my drift:

Have you ever noticed that while Diego is imploring his pre-K audience for help in rescuing some hapless beastie, said beastie is dangling precariously over the open and slavering jaws of death while Diego takes his own sweet time, carefully correcting the volume and pronunciation of whatever the kids have to shout at him to get him to move his animated little butt and save the critter?

And where are Diego’s parents?  We see infrequent glimpses of them from time to time, but nowhere are they to be found when Diego is about to get his head ripped off by an anaconda or somesuch!  They let this little boy (he’s what? 7 years old?) snowboard, rappel up and down mountainsides, brave puma attacks and other similar instances of reckless child endangerment and neglect.  And they must pay pretty good for child labor in the jungle, because Diego is tricked out with the latest in techie rescue gear!

Moving on…

The Wonderpets is next to draw my maternal ire.  Where the H.E. Double Matchsticks are the endangered animals’ parents!? Why is it they only show up AFTER their “precious” babies are rescued by a sentimental turtle, an avaricious glory-seeking duckling and a well-intentioned guinea pig.  Sure, they thank the Wonderpets sincerely and often dole out a snack to accompany the ubiquitous celery chunks the ‘Pets chow down on, but apparently in Wonderpets land, parents have better things to do than to keep their offspring out of mortal danger!

Doesn’t this have a flavor reminicient of Disneyesque matricide?

In Disney movies, the parents are either absent altogether, with no explanation provided, or the mother has died (or is viciously murdered on- or off-screen) and the father is usually either a tyrant, a crackpot or decrepitly old.  Or just asleep.  For the duration.  Or neurotic as all get-out.

Gee, for a “family-friendly” company, they’re not doing too well on P.R.ing for parents!

And there’s loads more I could unload about, but perhaps that’s enough for today.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Monthly Archives: August 2010

Raisin, O Raisin, wherefore art thou?

I have to hide the raisin bread.

My mother is here for a visit, and she and the twins are having a wonderful time so far.  Mom has several times pointed out to me, ways in which one or the other of the girls takes after me when I was a small child.

It’s too humiliating for me, though, for her to find out one more way in which they take after me.

That’s why I’m hiding our loaf of raisin bread deep in the recesses of our fridge.

You see, one of my mom’s pet peeves, when I was small, was how I would excavate a loaf of raisin bread and pick out all the raisins and eat them.  Then, when she would reach for a slice of “raisin” bread, what she got – was just “bread”, the raisins having long since departed this earth by way of my gullet!

And yep, you guessed it – my twins likewise render a lovely slice of raisin bread into something more resembling a slice of swiss cheese, but with larger holes.

And I’m embarrassed.  And I wonder: is this a result of genetics, or just karma?  Is there such a thing as Raisin Bread Karma?

(and yes, Mom, I know you’re going to read this eventually :)   but somehow it’s less embarrassing for me if you’re not in front of me when you’re rolling with laughter at karmic justice being served.)

The bangers beneath us

Thought I’d update all and sundry on what’s developed with the people below us.

When we came back from our three-week trip to Japan, we knew it would be tough for the people who live downstairs to re-adjust to the pitter-patter of little feet.

But we had no idea just how hard it would be!

Coming back from Japan, the twins’ day and night were switched around 180 degrees.  It took a few days before we could get them back on a proper sleep schedule.

In the meantime, though, the girls would wake after only a half night’s sleep at 3am.  We tried keeping them quiet and getting them back to sleep, which was made much more difficult by the downstairs neighbors slamming their doors in fury and screaming profanities at us.

(Of course it didn’t help to tell them that if they wouldn’t crash their doors so that the entire building shook from it, waking the girls from their early afternoon nap WAY too early, causing them to sleep too early, then the girls might have a shot at sleeping properly!)

So we decided to take the girls out in the car and drive around to get them calmed down enough to sleep.

No sooner had we set foot outside our door than the neighbors screamed more abuse at us and said they’d already called the police and they were on their way.

So, no car trip.  Instead we waited for the police to show up.

And waited.

And waited.

By that time the neighbors had long since went back to bed, when I called the police and asked what was taking them so long?

They said that no noise complaint had been called in.

So we proceeded to take the girls out in the car until they were tired again.

We thought that would be an end to it.

Imagine my shock, then, when a social worker from DYFS (Division of Youth and Family Services) showed up at my door a few days later to conduct a surprise inspection of my home and family!!

Turned out the woman downstairs hadn’t called the police, but she did call in a false report to DYFS!!

DYFS said it was an ‘anonymous’ call, but the woman downstairs had actually bragged about it to some of the other neighbors who told me.

The woman claimed our apartment was a sty, grafitti on the walls, the bathroom never cleaned since we moved in almost a year ago and that she witnessed my husband manhandling one of our twins!!

The social worker could see that our apartment was fine, the bathroom quite clean and sparkly and no signs of grafitti on the walls.  Our kids were clean, well-behaved, happy children, and when the neighbor who had been bragged to, came forward to phone her that it had been a false report, the case worker decided to close the case.

Hoorah!!

Now we’re thinking of whether or not to sue the pants off the people downstairs.  Or maybe get a restraining order.

The other neighbors in our section of the complex where we live were livid when they heard what the downstairs people had done.  They made it quite clear that that kind of criminal behavior was unacceptable.  (It could be their kids next if they crossed the people downstairs!)

Since then the people downstairs have taken great pains to behave in a civilized fashion around us (especially if other neighbors are watching), and suddenly, the noise from the twins is just fine and at an acceptable level.  (same level it’s been all along!)

Supposedly they’re going to move to a different apartment further away in the complex when one becomes available, but we’re not holding our breaths.  We’re sure praying for it, though! 

Things that irritate me on kiddie tv

We don’t let our kids watch commercial tv.  We do, however, let them watch carefully selected dvds and videos.

Spongebob Squarepants (who my twins refer to as “Mister Meancheese”) is persona non grata in our home.

Dora the Explorer, with her grotesquely huge eyeballs and videogame-like approach to solving her dilemmas is also unwelcome.

Diego though, is quite welcome.  As are the Wonderpets, the Backyardigans, Blue’s Clues and Zoboomafoo, as well as a number of others.

But even among those welcomed into our living room, there are things that just steam my bucket of crabs, if you get my drift:

Have you ever noticed that while Diego is imploring his pre-K audience for help in rescuing some hapless beastie, said beastie is dangling precariously over the open and slavering jaws of death while Diego takes his own sweet time, carefully correcting the volume and pronunciation of whatever the kids have to shout at him to get him to move his animated little butt and save the critter?

And where are Diego’s parents?  We see infrequent glimpses of them from time to time, but nowhere are they to be found when Diego is about to get his head ripped off by an anaconda or somesuch!  They let this little boy (he’s what? 7 years old?) snowboard, rappel up and down mountainsides, brave puma attacks and other similar instances of reckless child endangerment and neglect.  And they must pay pretty good for child labor in the jungle, because Diego is tricked out with the latest in techie rescue gear!

Moving on…

The Wonderpets is next to draw my maternal ire.  Where the H.E. Double Matchsticks are the endangered animals’ parents!? Why is it they only show up AFTER their “precious” babies are rescued by a sentimental turtle, an avaricious glory-seeking duckling and a well-intentioned guinea pig.  Sure, they thank the Wonderpets sincerely and often dole out a snack to accompany the ubiquitous celery chunks the ‘Pets chow down on, but apparently in Wonderpets land, parents have better things to do than to keep their offspring out of mortal danger!

Doesn’t this have a flavor reminicient of Disneyesque matricide?

In Disney movies, the parents are either absent altogether, with no explanation provided, or the mother has died (or is viciously murdered on- or off-screen) and the father is usually either a tyrant, a crackpot or decrepitly old.  Or just asleep.  For the duration.  Or neurotic as all get-out.

Gee, for a “family-friendly” company, they’re not doing too well on P.R.ing for parents!

And there’s loads more I could unload about, but perhaps that’s enough for today.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...