The New Opiate for the Masses


My twin girls, age 4, are almost frighteningly clever at times.  I’m not talking garden-variety clever here – I mean potential-world-domination-someday clever.

Recently they have conducted an experiment on me.  They were so subtle about it that at the time, I had no idea I was their lab rat.

Through trial and error, they have learned the quickest and easiest way to calm mommy down from being annoyed with them:

Hugs and kisses.

Yes, I’m sure that every child out there lavishes their parents with hugs and kisses on a daily basis, and my girls do that too.

But these girls also apply them deliberately and aggressively in specific situations.

  • I’ve just discovered that they’ve liberally applied the contents of their meal to their bedroom floor in an aesthetically pleasing pattern. A ground-in pattern that will require the use of an abrasive sponge to get up.
  • They’ve just discovered the fun and wonder of sucking up a straw-ful of liquid and shooting it across the room like pygmys blowing poison darts.
  • The ‘washable’ wall surface wasn’t good enough for them so they peeled that wall paint off so they could have an indelible surface to apply their crayons to.
  • It’s 30 mins past bedtime and they keep escaping from their room and mommy is SO tired!

And so on…

And what have these little girls decided to do when mommy starts bellowing in frustration?  The come up to me and announce very calmly “Mommy, I need to kiss you now.” (or hug me).

Well, what mommy can say no to that?  Not me, I cave every time and dutifully bend over for moist little girl kisses to be plastered on my face.

It takes the bellowing right out of me.

This doesn’t mean to say that I then permit whatever shenanigans they’re up to, but it does help in lowering my decibel level quite a bit.

I’ve tried protesting: “But I don’t want to be kissed right now!” (as if they’ll buy that when they know kiddie kisses are like crack cocaine to parents – we can’t resist), but they insist, and I cave.

I’m just lucky they haven’t learned about Pavlov’s dog.  And no freakin’ way am I ever buying them a bell.

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1 thought on “The New Opiate for the Masses

  1. Ha ha this must be a twin thing, they gang up on you. One says “I wuv you mummy”, while the other one grabs you round the neck so you wont see what they did..
    I also get, ” I don’t think I did it, but I might have done” 🙂
    Scary how smart they are sometimes!

    Fran recently posted..The Gallery: VintageMy Profile

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