Finding the “Me” in “Mommy”

2:30 AM – checking little noses and toes for warmth, do they need blankets, has anyone flooded their bed yet, etc…

Brightly colored ponies on some kind of rainbow adventure on the TV – G-d forbid I should try and put on an old ep of Iron Chef…

Time to make dinner – is it worth bothering to put in some effort to make an absolutely delicious chicken stew that will go uneaten by the twins, necessitating a last-minute mac’n’cheese rescue…sigh…mac’n’cheese it is from the get-go…just don’t have it in me to make two separate meals…

9:30pm – Kidlets are FINALLY asleep, can I watch PBS’s new Sherlock series (on DVD of course)…better not, I’ve got a home that looks like ground zero of a hurricane, piles of laundry to tend to, and after a quick check on the girls – ‘Build the damn ark, already Noah!’ – yes, we’ve got another flooded bed…mystery and mayhem and lovely British accents will have to wait for another time…

Both my husband and I would LOVE to see the new Dark Shadows movie, but will we get to?  FAT CHANCE!!  Contemplating getting a sitter for the girls results in visions of ‘baby-sitter-shaped red wet smears on the floor’ dancing thru our heads, so that’d be a ‘no’.

In fact, I think the last date we had was a year ago – my brother Steve and his wife had come over to sit for us for a couple of hours.  We haven’t heard from them since.  I kid you not.

And the date before that one was three years ago.

And should I actually have some miniscule erg of energy with which to get frisky with, after the girls are in bed, just a glance at my husband – the exhausted zombie-guy currently collapsed in a groaning heap on our couch – quickly puts the kibosh on anything of that sort.

I haven’t been to a Starfleet meeting in nearly six months (I average about .5 meetings per year.)

But is it worth it?  HELL YES!!

But sometimes I really miss autonomy in determining how I spend my time.  Surprisingly, given my druthers, I’m not actually interested in chatting about mommy-related things – GASP! HORROR!

I’m a geek.  I like geek things.  I would like nothing better than to completely re-do my bedroom to resemble the bridge of the starship U.S.S. Enterprise.  (My husband, however, draws the line at wearing either pointy prosthetic ears or a red shirt.)

Come September, the girls will finally have made it to Kindergarten – a full-day schedule from 9AM – 2:30PM – and I’ll have the time, energy and freedom I now crave so desperately.

And I’ll probably be spending a good deal of it missing my little girls and wishing for the days they took up every iota of my existence.

“Don’t it always seem to go – that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone…”   – Joni Mitchell, ‘Big Yellow Taxi’

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One thought on “Finding the “Me” in “Mommy”

  1. What a beautiful story of a mother on today’s world, Lara.
    Makes us guys appreciate our wives more, if you ask me.

    Though I had to laugh at the reference to Iron Chef – I find that such a funny show 🙂

    And don’t let your hubbie wear the red shirt – those guys always end up dead at the end of the show hahaha

    Keep being the good mum that you are as well as keeping the real you alive.
    Martin Cooney recently posted..How To Keep A Marriage Fresh – After 2 Months Or 20 YearsMy Profile

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