Middle of the night, she woke up from a full bladder that, coincidentally, interrupted her as she was having a very thrilling ride upon a giraffe.
I can sympathize. After all, it’s not often that someone gets to ride on a giraffe!
So she very understandably was quite angry at having lost that.
After answering nature’s call, I coaxed her back to bed and told her to try to find the giraffe in Dreamland again but alas, when I asked her about it the next morning she said that the giraffe hadn’t come back.
I once read an article that said that very small children often can’t tell the difference between the dreamstate and reality, and can even get so excited by what’s happening in the dream, that they’ll even get out of bed and run around the room while in their dreamstate adventure scene!
Do your children have vivid dreams like this? Please let me know in a comment below! 🙂
True, this critter has been around since Eve got her tushie booted out of the Garden, but until now I don’t think anyone’s actually given it a formal moniker:
Ladies, Gents and kids of all ages, I give you –
The SLOMBIE !!!
or in Latin: Parentus Sleepificus Nix (Parent without sleep)
This creepy critter can be found anywhere there are small children refusing to sleep, and much like the fabled Boogeyman is most often found in the nighttime hours. It seems to crop up wherever there are newborn babies, babies with colic, nighttime-potty-training kiddies, or naughty children who Won’t Go To Bed on time.
In homes with multiples, such as twins or triplets, etc, you are more likely to find an infestation.
The typical SLOMBIE will stagger around alarmingly, as its principle form of locomotion, and emit growls, whines, and its sonorous mating call:
The average SLOMBIE should be strongly disuaded from operating heavy machinery until it reverts to its more human form. But that could take years (See ‘Empty Nest Syndrome’).
To repress the SLOMBIE’s baser urges, daytime doses of heavily caffeinated substances may be applied, and in the evening hours a liberal application of Haagen Daz or other similar foodstuffs may stave off such alarming behaviors such as Eating One’s Young, or having the SLOMBIE repeatedly bash it’s own poor befuddled head into hard objects such as walls.
Occasionally a SLOMBIE that’s pretty far gone can be found huddling in a corner or under a bed, weeping uncontrollably and possibly gnawing its own limbs off for entertainment (this would be a case calling for the Haagen Dazs).
While commonly irritable to some degree, the SLOMBIE isn’t usually violent, but upon being provoked may say Extremely Unkind Things to its spouse, especially if that spouse runs the vacuum just as the SLOMBIE finally manages to enter a state of temporary hibernation (If you think that hibernating bears are grouchy when woken up too early, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!), or bangs pots and pans around in the kitchen, slams doors, or the even more heinous Waking Children Up.
That last one’s unforgiveable, folks, so Just Say No – don’t do it! – I can’t stress this strongly enough! Not a jury in the land would convict the SLOMBIE for whatever havoc, mayhem or bloodshed it may wreak upon the hapless spouse who commits this gravest of faux pas!! There isn’t a mountain of Haagen Dazs large enough to save you. In fact, you can just kiss your tushie goodbye and start picking out a nice epitaph for your grave.
I expect to see an entry for SLOMBIES in Wikipedia, anyday now – but please remember: I coined the proper name – you can put me down as: TwiceBlessedLife.com .
While I may never become famous for this, I just may be able to cadge a frappacino or two at Starbucks from time to time.
Those work better than garlic at repelling SLOMBIES, ya know!
And one of our biggest parental nightmares seems to have been overcome!
The twins are now sleeping well at night!
This has been a long time coming and God only knows how we’ve survived this long with chronic extreme sleep deprivation, but it is indeed sweet relief to get the sleep sitch in hand.
Zanna still sleeps like a little rock, and Halle wakes a couple of times a night to use the potty, but then she goes quietly back to sleep afterwards.
Our last hurdle was getting them to bed on time in the first place.
We tried the Sleep Fairy system to mixed results, the tips outlined in “1-2-3 Magic!” by Dr. Thomas Phelan, Elizabeth Pantley’s book “No-Cry Sleep Solution”, but parental perseverance on our part and the Giant Lizard Mama is what finally brought it all together!
Here’s what we do:
Bedtime is announced, teeth are brushed, flossed and gargled, PJ’s are put on, the bedtime stories are selected, everyone’s diaper/panty sitch is sorted out (still trying to get Zanna to bm in the potty instead of diaper), and then Daddy does his stuff.
He reads to them, leads nightly prayers, administers the dixie cuppie of water, activates the StarBug, turns off the lights and then skedaddles as I take over.
I sing the “Moon Song”, say a prayer for sweet dreams, give a final hug and kiss goodnight to each girl, make sure the temperature of the room is ok, and Exit Mama, Stage Left!
We lock their door, because the first thing they do is try to open it to escape.
Then they get down to the bottom of the door where there is a gap and call to us. I warn them to get back in bed or StarBug will have a timeout.
(Don’t worry, they still have an active nightlight on their alarm clock – I got one of those traffic light clocks for the girls, red light means sleep time and green light means they can leave the room)
This’ll quiet them down for a few minutes, then they’re at it again. So we turn off StarBug for one minute. Sometimes this is enough and they’ll get to sleep.
Other times, we need to call the Giant Lizard Mama for help.
If the girls still refuse to get to bed, we let them know that the Giant Lizard Mama will come – this is basically me making Godzilla noises. The girls know it’s me – we play this during the daytime with me chasing them as they run around, but it seems to work pretty good at bedtime – they run back to bed and get to sleep pretty quickly.
Then my husband and I have all this extra time to pay bills and do housework and try to get some control over our financial situation! What fun!
Here are a couple of my previous posts about our journey to Sleepville:
Just to make sure the above was understood, I’ll re-phrase that:
I Am A Very Tired Mama.
We’ve had a bunch of household crises here in the past two months, in addition to trying to soldier on with the nighttime potty training and the resultant GINORMOUS pile of laundry, and the extra holiday whatevers, school breaks with the twins at home and/or twins home sick on the days there was school, that I’ve gone beyond collapsing into a twitching heap at night and have progressed to a semi-frequent, semi-catatonic state.
Drooling mindlessly is involved.
I tried coffee but that made me too darn twitchy and irritable, plus I couldn’t sleep well that night…”well” being relative of course – it just meant that I got even less sleep than usual. Not A Good Thing, especially when you have to drive around your little sweeties safely to and from grandmother’s house.
(and Bubbe is always SO nice about letting me nap awhile as she entertains the kids, so I can get us all back home safely again afterwards.)
So when some kind person offered me a chance to try a natural energy drink product that wouldn’t leave me twitching or crash/burning afterwards, I leapt at the chance.
And so I got my Phix. Yep, that’s what it’s called: Phix.
It gets the caffiene from Yerba Maté , which is an herbal drink that they have in South America, and I’ve seen people steep it looseleaf and sip it from special spoon-like straws, but that was a little too much natural for me to get into.
Phix Energy is a great tasting, low-calorie way to naturally improve your energy levels. We blend green tea antioxidants, energy restoring NADH, and yerba maté for enhanced and sustained vigor, plus we add 14 vitamins and minerals to keep you feeling healthy and happy.**
Phix comes in little convient packets that you just open up, pour into water or juice (about 12-16 ounces), give it a shake or stir and then drink.
It tastes very nice! They have three flavors: Tropical, Teaberry, which was ok, but not my fave, and Citron, which WAS my favorite. I even offered some of the Citron flavor to my husband, who is rather finicky about his beverages and he said it was “quite refreshing” and looked surprised that something I handed to him tasted that good.
Citron tastes kind of lemony and slightly yerba maté -y, and as if you were drinking something herbal-ish, but in a nice way.
Tropical is a bit fruity along with the yerba maté edge but still pleasant, and Teaberry didn’t really taste much like anything except sweetish and yerbe maté.
As for the energy, it’s not like you’ve been jolted with an electrified cattleprod, but I do feel relatively awake after drinking it, and I haven’t noticed any crash/burning or twitching. And so far, it hasn’t seemed to bother my sleeping at night.
Phix natural energy drinks give you an immediate lift, but unlike other energy drink mix products, there are no spikes, jitters, or crashes.Phix Energy is smooth and sustained energy designed to give you a natural boost day in and day out. Phix powders are entirely natural, vegan, and gluten free.
Phix comes in boxes of 5 packets per box. You can order it online from their website.
And for one of my lucky readers, Phix has offered 3 boxes of Phix Energy in your flavor of choice, plus a 25% off coupon for your next purchase! Just fill out the rafflecopter form before midnite on Dec. 15th, and I’ll choose a winner on December 16th! Just in time for Christmas!
*Disclaimer: I participated in a promotion by Phix and Mom Select and was sent a supply of Phix Energy for review purposes. The opinions expressed in this review are my own and not influenced in any way by Phix or Mom Select. Phix also offered to give one of my readers 3 boxes in their flavor of choice of Phix Energy and a 25% off coupon on their next purchase.
**These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.